Of self-reminders.

after quite a few months, i find myself facing the same issue/trap once again.

perhaps, it's self-inflicted. perhaps not. but how am i supposed to react when i never really overcame it? i really thought i'd made my peace. really. but since i'm having such emotions stirring again, it just seems to be proving otherwise. sometimes, i don't really know if i want to let it go. logic and reason obviously tell me to. even a part of my heart says to forget it. that's because i think about 99% of me is sure that these emotions will never find their way to that receiving party. yet, i stubbornly seem to hold on to that little (1%) ray of hope. snorts. funny how the heart works.

sighs.

i must find a way to make my peace. so i must remind myself not to fall into the same trap (which i set for myself) a second time.

please do remind me okay?

----

on a happier note, me family went shopping for cny and got ourselves jeansssss. hoho. the sister and i have 2 pairs each.

me loves skinniesssss. :D

Of Recurrences.

hello world. (:
apologies for the lack of updates. i've been gleefully slacking my holidays away ever since the examinations ended. enjoying the feeling of being liberated from the wretched grasps of economic papers. so time (in between) then and now has been spent celebrating my bestie's 21st (the last of us twelvies' coming-of-age, or so to speak), shopping, and of course, jetting off to the land of the rising sun.

seriously, japan rocked my socks. whooot. i seriously loved every single minute of being there. of course, i would have loved it even more had we the chance to visit the harajuku/shinjuku/shibuya shopping districts. nonetheless, the one week stay there had me wishing for more. whilst i'd normally feel homesick after a week in most trips i've been on, i really wished the stay in japan could be longer. we were originally slated to transit in bkk for 2 days. BUT. there were no flights back home. hence, no bkk shopping for me. bahh. yet another bkk shopping opportunity slips through. ):

basically, after the return from japan, nothing major has been happening in my sad little life. hence, here i am, typing this entry on an early christmas "morning". hah. the following paragraph may sound out of place/abstract. apologies in advance, but i still have to use this as an outlet.

again, this recurrence. i think its really funny. because i always seem to be the kind of person who doesn't learn from mistakes. particularly those which concern emotions. against my better judgement, i believe i've subconsciously let those feelings creep back. so now, i think i'm waging an internal emotional (mini)battle. i probably have to admit, i'm starting to dislike her (almost) with a vengeance. all that emo-sharing and the aggressiveness. and i hate that i have to learn about it. or maybe deep down, i'm disappointed in myself for being such an emotional coward.

on another note, i recently met up with ____. and i realised that day, how far we have strayed. and to think, he/she was someone i held dear. its scary how i don't seem to know him/her anymore.

Of Birthdays and Memories.

as a kid, from primary to secondary school, then to jc, my birthday had always been a somewhat quiet affair. (well, not that i wanted the whole world to know.) what i mean is that, the 14th of november always fell on the holidays. if not, it was smack in the middle of exams. so it really was some sort of a wet blanket. i'm not sure if i've ever said it aloud/admitted it; subconsciously and inwardly, i'd come to feel that my birthday and i were perhaps insignificant, cos after all, it'd come as quickly as it went.

hence, when everyone around me starting throwing spectacular blasts for their 21sts, i didn't really bother/give much thought that my turn would soon come around. another reason was perhaps cos i was a tad too lazy to plan parties. the thought of impending exams and my million reports dampened my mood further. as far as i was concerned, my 21st was one day i hoped that won't come too soon, cos that would throw reality in my face. =/

but then, time never stops for anyone huh. today's the 14th of november. and i have to say, i'd never expected that my 21st could be anything less than memorable. (: perhaps it was the food, or that i woke up on the right side of the bed. but i still feel that my 21st birthday is made up of memories - of the people around me. (:

anti-climax but other than the people who made my memories, something else did - the big barbecue fire.
no really. the fire that burned down my plastic table. -.-

daddy&mommy: i can't thank God (or if i had lucky stars) enough for the closest people in my life. i'm not bragging or anything. but i sometimes wonder how many moms would happily/quietly go along with her daughter getting a tat? and a dad who actually sits through the whole tattooing process holding his daughter's hand to calm her nerves? i've had quite some comments on how hip my folks are. and i do think i have to admit i'm thankful for it. i highly doubt that they'll be reading this, nonetheless, all the love and gratitude i have, there's no way i can ever express it all to them.

my sister (the blood-related one:)): i admit she tends to be a pain. i might be wrong, but i haven't really heard of any siblings quarreling as much as we do, or that they quarrel and make up as often as we do. but hey, without all that quarrelling, i might end up being a latch-key kid. ): so even for all the quarrelling, i still appreciate it. (:

twelve: "what's with the balloons?" - it didn't actually come out the way i intended it to. i never meant that the balloons were uncalled for/redundant. i was more embarrassed/paiseh for the attention you girls showered. to me, your presence already made my day.

huifen, lx, sue-anne, qijun, angel, rachel: i'm eternally grateful you actually took time out to make your way down to ulu mat jambol for a while despite exams looming around the corner. and i'm truly sorry that i may not have been the best of hosts. ):

my cousins: thank you dears for the book. i'll be sure to read it from end to end. (:

altricia: my childhood playmate who coincidentally happens to be tao's schoolmate haha. (: i'm really glad you could make it. and for the opportunity to catch up for a bit. though our schedules are so different, i'll be sure to bug you soon. (:

those i've missed out was un-intentional. =/
i guess all i'm trying to say is that, i really never expected my 21st experience to be this wonderful. and credit goes to all those around me.

千言万语, 尽在不言中.

KNNBCCB.

WARNING: The following post may contain a high content of expletives. For those with a weak heart, kindly click the little "X" on the top right hand corner of your browser. Otherwise, join me in my quest to curse the daylights out of these audacious people who I feel are not worthy to be called "foreign talent".


@Dawn:
+ Can u plz help us with the references format as I'm not sure about it.
I think that they have to put in alphabetical order. Tkx in advance
+ My part cannot cut shorter. There're still a lot of info I haven't put
in yet.
+ Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (wedo about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s). The policies only do not make clear about the transform. Can you please adjust to make it flow
with the whole paper.
+ After adjust your part, can you help us do the conclusion, introduction and abstract? Consider ur part is the shortest.

The above is extracted from the email sent to me just this evening. I have not changed a single word. Instead, I've just highlighted some parts.

The story goes like this: I had the bloody luck to be grouped with these 2 foreign girls. We had to do a bloody mini project on the rubber and palm oil industry. SO, during our meeting to discuss the outline, they happily snatched up the easiest and JUICIEST bits. I say "juiciest" because the parts they chose had readily available information. FUCK, DO YOU NOT AGREE THAT TYPING "RUBBER INDUSTRY" AND "PALM OIL INDUSTRY" IN GOOGLE WILL GIVE YOU LIKE 3829561074 SEARCH RESULTS?!

I, on the other hand had to manage with a weak fucking feeble smile and "agree" to do the case studies. If you don't already know, it's fucking difficult to find information on TRANSITION of industries in Southeast Asia because all that turns up on online (academic) journals is a hell lot of info for NIGERIA.

OKAY NVM. So that was your background info. As I earlier posted, pushing SHIT work and rubbing it in my face WHY I haven't finished my part was strike one. Pushing me impolitely to finish up my work via SMS IN CAPS AND FUCKING SPELLING MY NAME WRONGLY TWICE was strike two. (Tell me, how in the fucking world does "DAWN" SOUND LIKE "PAWN"!?!?!) THEN. They fucking had the cheek to TELL me to compile the bloody report because it would be easier for me to slot in my part and SINCE they had already sent me theirs - strike three. How fucking convenient.

I don't know baseball man, but now they fucking hit a home run already la. KNNBCCB.
NOW. Back to the extract. Its just 2 mere points I want to bring to attention.

#1 - Old Data
My part is meant to be a case study. Now lets see. Boys and girls, what is a case study about? Information specific to a country/etc right? Right! So, the case study I did was on Malaysia. The point I had to bring out was Malaysia and her TRANSITION from one industry to another. In this case, from the rubber to the palm oil industry. And now, lets think. WHEN did Malaysia shift industries? ANY IDIOT WOULD KNOW THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS NO? So would it make sense to NOT have information pertaining to those industries in 1960s/1970s??!

Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (we do about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s).
FUCK YOU LE K*EU O*NH.

#2 - The Shortest Part
The maximum page limit WITH appendices is fifteen bloody pages. one-five. FIFTEEN.
When I put in both of their parts, I had SEVENTEEN FUCKING PAGES. And I haven't even written mine. Common-sensibly, fiteen divided by 3 members, each one should limit themselves to about 5 pages. Unlike them, MY ENGLISH OWNS THEIRS. THEREFORE, I CONDENSED MY PART INTO FIVE PAGES. Having FIVE pages of info on Malaysia does NOT warrant the fact that MY part is the fucking shortest. So I finished my part, compiled and shot it back for THEM to follow MY instructions. (NOTE: When I blasted the email, we had ONLY 22 pages combined.) Guess how many pages we have now. After the bloodyFAT Le Ki*u Oa*h edited the draft. THIRTY-FUCKING-FOUR PAGES. 34. Some "power" editing huh.

Consider ur part is the shortest.
KNNBCCB. Who the fuck are you to say my part is the shortest. FUCK YOU LKO, F-U-C-K Y-O-U.

So then, since my part was the "shortest", I'm tasked to write the:-
1) Introduction
2) Abstract
3) Conclusion

First, who the fuck are you to command me what to do.
Second, who fucking writes an introduction AND an abstract.
Third, I fucking did a case study. NOT the generic overview of the TWO industries. And you fucking have the cheek to ask me to write the conclusion. That's like asking me to fucking shit your bowels out for you when you have the runs.


IN CONCLUSION, I shall NOT give a fucking shit about you and your groundless accusations and "commands". In the worst case scenario, I shall fucking drag you down with me if we're all given a bad grade. HA HA.

The Priss.

lmao this is interesting. and this is what happens when i'm supposedly doing research. LOL.

waiting for what? GO TRY! =D

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

ROAR.

i. bloody. HATE. vietnamese. right. now.
just those two in particular who are fucking getting on my fucking nerves.

pushing shit work to me AND rubbing it in my face asking why i haven't done my part - strike one.
pushing me IMPOLITELY to finish up my part asap (so they can relack one corner) via text message IN CAPS - strike two.

don't you fucking dare try strike three.

knnfuckers.

Wave After Wave ):

school started again this week. after the one-week "recess". snorts. but horrible me skipped class on monday. due to fairly justified reasons i might say. i was desperately trying to finish up my wretched he306 ASS-signment on agglomeration economies which was due wednesday,5pm. agglom-what?! never knew there were so many different kinds of "economies" huh. SNORT.

needless to say, i had absolutely no freaking clue/idea on how to go about writing that stupid analysis. mind you, i did quite a fair bit of scouting for info okay. (gimme some credit la huh.) turns out, all the prior stuff i managed to dig out came to nought. bloody hell. even up to the eleventh hour of doing the wretched report, i was still half searching for info. tuesday was also, unfortunately, "dedicated" to he306. and i ended up staying up all through the night trying to finish it and finally handed it in at 630am. what amazed me was i wasn't even nodding off throughout the entire time. i didn't even have redbull okay! i even woke up at 830 to go for class at 930. (but of course i was late for class la. haha.) couldn't believe myself. and and and! i did NOT sleep in lecture! (of course, jaed kept me awake with surfing.) zoomed to clarke quay for free waxing. =D

anyone want waxing tell me! lol. foc. but as with all things, it comes with a catch. ask me if you want to know. =D

anywayyy. flunked yesterday's accounting quiz. felt like btt all over again. was confident of my answers. then suddenly kena dropped a bloody bomb: you scored 8 out of 20 points. wtf. i am sad. ): ): ):

the following weeks are not looking any better. just when i'd thought i'd at least be able to take a small breather, he306 decided to drop another bomb - assignment 2. WAHLAOEH.KNN. it's not like i don't have other assignments to complete. i seriously feel like i'm suffocating here. ): so now i have like FOUR fucking assignments AGAIN. and it definitely does not help when 3 of them have the SAME bloody deadline. on top of that, i have to cope with another bloody accounting tutorial presentation, another indivdual he306 (again leh wtf!) tutorial presentation, AND a major group presentation+report that i have to do with 2 vietnamese girls who are fucking getting on my nerves chasing me to do my case study part and rubbing it in my face that they've done their parts and are waiting for me. KNN THEY FREAKING TOOK THE EASIEST PARTS FOR THEMSELVES AND LEFT ME WITH SHIT?! urghhh. foreign talent huh. snorts.

i am so not looking forward to my birthday because it means my deadline is here. bloody need more time. ): and i have yet to start exam revision. ARGHHHHH.

i need to breathe. ):

Morbid Fascination.

杀手






call me slow, cos i just got around to watching this mv.
and whooo.

i kinda have a morbid fascination with it. hurrr.

anw, morbidity aside, i think its a pretty fresh idea. i'm no mv-expert/guru, but then, how many times do you actually come across this kind of videos? (lets not talk about hardcore/heavy metal rock/ satanic music/etc) we're talking mainstream music lah. schizo-writer/psychopath kills girl he loves just so he can preserve her as she is forever and keep her by his side. if one looks at it deeper, its all motivated by love, albeit warped and twisted.

dang, i want to watch the full version. anyone knows how to get their hands on it? =D

/EDIT

What Recess?

so, after 7 gruelling weeks of school, there comes the long-awaited recess break. only, its really NOT a break. booo. ):
couldn't wait for this week to end. what with the utterly ridiculous and blood-boiling encounter with the anal-retentive kc member. (yuck!) but whatever. i'm finally done with this week.

he304 report - check.
he312 discussant presentation - check.
he306 tutorial presentation - check.

yay. (:
SO for a little release, i went downtown to meet euni for some "present hunting" for qijun's 21st. that silly girl wasn't really of any help when we asked her what she wanted for a present. so we got her a pillow with a rather expensive case. (SHHH. don't tell her!)

well apart from getting jun's present, euni and i succeeded in making ourselves poorer. -.- LOL.
but anyway, i got another forest green basic racer from mng (so now i have 4 green tanks and counting). had actually wanted to get the chilli red racer but that cost like twice the green one just cos it had the word "mango" printed in the front. -.- wandered on to topshop where i found another chilli red puff sleeve basic i so loved. BUT. had to exercise restrain and not buy it cos i could buy 2 more topshop tanks with the price of that. hoho.

were "clowning" around in topshop for a while cos of the funny "alien communication" gigantic-metal-plate accessories we came across. (okay, more like i was laughing so hard at euni.) anyway, lately i've decided that my dressing style will be just simple basics with accessories. therefore, my current aim is to stock up on basics AND accessories. i am SO in love with bangles (and coloured eyeliners!). HEH. anw, i'm eye-ing more bangles from mng and forever21 (where i found the tank in the hot pink shade i was looking for). (: (: (:

mmmmm.
so anyway, i just realised that all that load of shopping which i typed just above sounds oh-so-bimbotic/shopaholic/bratty/etc. and i do think i hardly blog about such stuff. right, so next time, i shall proceed on to be a photo-whore. HAHA.


things i have to start working my arse on:-

1) he306 assignment 1 (2500 words)
2) he312 case studies research on the palm oil industry (!!@#$^&*?@#$%*!)
3) bloodyACCOUNTING QUIZ
4) he210 assignment (10-12 pages NOT incl. references/appendix)
5) he209 assignment (minimum 2 pages)

WAH LAO EH. tell me, what recess!? ):

anyone going shopping (esp for accessories), CALL ME PLS.

MYOB.

i'm blogging this on the pretext of doing my stupid he304 report. -.-
the following incident JUST happened a few minutes ago.

after getting a cuppa and proceeding back to my seat in kc's reading room, i opened this small pack of biscuits and started to munch. had not taken more than A bite, when i heard someone asking in mandarin, "xiao mei mei, ni bu dong zhe li bu neng chi ma?" (literally: small girl, don't you know what you can't eat here?")

being rather irritated at this, i decided to show attitude and ignored the old man. continued sipping my tea.
and then, after sometime, seeing that he didn't get a scared/worried/flustered/paiseh response, the bloody old man decided to be a pain in the arse again.

oldman (in english): do you know you're not supposed to eat here?
me: -silence (more like ignorance)-
oldman: if you're not going to stop eating, i will call the security guard.
me: -silence and continuing with my report-
oldman: can't you just eat outside and come back in when you're done?
me: -SILENCE-

and then he goes back to reading his newspapers.

AND THEN AFTER ANOTHER SHORT WHILE, HE BUAY TAHAN COME OVER TO MY TABLE!
(what the fuck is wrong with this man!?)

oldman: you still don't want to stop eating?
me: -silence-
(note: by that time, i wasn't eating. the biscuit was just lying on my notebook.)

oldman: i tell you so many times and you still ignore me. you really not scared i call security ah?
me: -silence-
oldman: what school are you from?
me: -silence-

he walks back to his papers and STILL SAY SOME MORE.

oldman: you continue eating, i will call the security guard over.

at this point, i was really feeling fucking buay tahan. i still had to bite my lip not to curse his head off.
so i challenged him and said "go ahead". to which he said, "you're just a schoolgirl, so defiant".

WHISKEY. TANGO. FOXTROT.

i call that selective defiance. the more you tell me not to do it, the more i WILL.
SUE ME.

WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK IS WITH HIM?! FUCKING ANAL-RETENTIVE AH?!
OLD ALREADY NO MORE SEX, MUST GET SO FUCKING UPTIGHT OVER WHETHER PEOPLE OBSERVE THE "NO-EATING" RULE IN THE READING ROOM.

after that bloody old man (FINALLY) left, the security guard came in, walk one round and keblakang pu-sing.
SEE, EVEN THE SECURITY GUARDS CLOSE ONE EYE!

KNNBCLJ.
bloody hell. spoil my mood.

fuck, i need to get back to my report.

Nothingness.

honestly, i think this entry is here because i'm blogging for the sake of blogging.
i feel there's something that i need to get off my chest.but again, i can't pinpoint the issue.
maybe it's a bundle of issues.

had only two lectures today. but yet left school at 6+pm.
felt rather stupid for taking some remarks/comments/issues seriously. which resulted in a futile wait. maybe sometimes i really am too gullible. and maybe sometimes i deceive myself thinking that i am just giving others the benefit of the doubt.
yeah right, dawn.

schoolwork is really stifling that i think if i don't get out soon, i'll crack.
but then again, if i were to think about it, maybe it's good too. gets me so distracted/worried/stressed that i don't think about any other stuff except those pertaining to school. yet i realised, sometimes there are some things which just haunt. nevermind running away and hiding. i'm still found. -.-

i've only just found out about a* and b* and their uhm, lives. i guess they both seem mighty fine. -shrugs-
can't but help feel a teenywee pinch, somewhere in the deep recesses of me. guess these are the "what ifs" i will never get to find out. oh well, so long as they're happy. (i know, sounds so altruistic. hah.)

lately too, i haven't been in contact with ____. so i started the conversation ball rolling first. i ended up feeling a tinge of bitterness, or maybe even jealousy i didn't know would exist -- in a convo that lasted less than half an hour. i honestly don't want to feel the way i felt/am feeling. i'm not being altruistic or what. i just don't like these kind of feelings. especially when i know that there's no point in the way i'm feeling now.

in another bout of randomness, i wonder what it's like to be wasted.
i know obviously, that the hangover would be horrendous to endure. but still, we'd all want to know what "once bitten, twice shy" feels like no? well, at least for me, i do.

on hindsight, with regards to other aspects, i've been bitten one too many times.
and i still haven't really learnt my lesson.

Brain Dead.

am so totally drained.
brain fucked as sue-anne so "aptly" and explicitly/graphically puts it.

hold that wandering thought.
its purely academical. -.-
(if there's such a word...)

trooped all the way down to raffles place/clarke quay at 11am, only to find that chngsue-anne was to be late.
and her "reason" being my failure to reply to her text message (on whether i'd set off) in order to avoid my proverbial lateness.
(or so she claims.)

in any case, tcc@clarke quay is indeed a cosy and comfy environment to work, albeit costly. ):
stayed all the way till 9+pm. in between, we were joined by her jc friend.

health economics is really starting to get on my nerves.
it's fucking difficult to tackle the (somewhat) easy-looking question i have for the seminar presentaion.
in that 9 hours or so sitting at tcc, i'd have expected to dig out enough stuff for a 20-minute speech and a 800-word essay.
but fuck no. the bloody e-journals suck.
i can't seem to find ANY of the references given in the text.

RAAHHH. ): ): ):

anyway.
in other news, the INSTEP placement results are out. (like finally.)
any guesses which uni i got? (:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
university of technology, sydney. (: (: (:
(HELLO WINNIE, ARE YOU READING THIS!?)

anyway, mine's the fee-paying scheme, which if i'm not wrong, i'd be paying uts, not ntu.
kind of expected it anyway. since the exchange scheme only had 2 places.
and my grades were no way up for the competition. ):

so now, hopefully uts will deicde that i can qualify to go there for half a year.
-crosses fingers, arms and toes-

(:

When It's Over...

the week went by in a whiz. lecture, tutorials, more lectures and tutorials.
well of course, the best was saved for the last.
and that was wei's 21st. (:

went to changi aloha chalet on friday night to help wei out with the preparations for her big day. hehe.
was pretty miffed at first cos of the train journey to tampines.
basket, those commuters on the train were probably blind and had no sense of smell.
kept kicking the 21 precious muffins i baked for wei. ):
(i'm sorry wei, if they tasted kinda horrible. -.-)

unforch, hall's dnd also fell on wei's party day.
so i had to leave changi in the afternoon and cabbed back again to wei's at night.

anw, wei's 21st was really quite nostalgic with the back-to-school theme! (:
too bad i've grown much too fat to fit into my cgs school skirt.
but darn it, i should have gone ahead to wear the skirt, even as a babydoll.
cos the rest all were in cgs uniform while i was the sore thumb in saint getup. bahhh.

mj-ed the later part of the night away all through to sunday morning.
by then, we were zombies.
well i think i was the worst zombie.
fell asleep sitting still at changi village.
lolling around and all. i'll bet everyone must have seen the most stupid/horrible/embarrassing side of me. ): ): ):

-digs a hole to hide head-

well anw, shall let pictures prove the nostalgic fun we had. (:


huifen and i, with the skinny cute arty-farty geek. (:



this is here because it's one of the pictures i love myself in. hahahhaa. =D



twelve and the birthday girl (:



"class of 2007" formal. HEH.



"class of 2007" clowns! (:

History.

funny how history likes to repeat itself.
and i'm always so stubborn, walking in the same footsteps of no one else's but my own.

like the past, not like it'll matter.
whether or not you know/find out, it doesn't make much of a difference.
what matters is that you're happy right?

not that i wanna be oh-so-noble.
i'm not, and i don't want to be.

i never had a choice to begin with;
because you never saw me.

Keeping My Fingers Crossed.

i was previously feeling indignant and extremely cross with a certainfuckface named w.
(not to sound oh-so-noble) for hf's sake, i decided to look it over.
if in the near future, there arises a need, i will absolutely slam/flame him with no reservations.
w sadikin: MARK MY WORDS.

anyway, unpleasant matters aside, i'm keeping my fingers, toes and arms crossed.
hopefully i get to go for instep. (:

but i've just learnt that, should i get to really go for exchange, there's gonna be a couple of opportunity costs. ):

am kinda regretting taking so many heavy modules this sem.
overwhelmed/swamped with more readings than i can cope with. ):

Econs Year 3, Semester 1.

not much of an update, but well, school's officially started and moving into full swing.
welcome week highlight on wednesday - ice skating (:
(but there actually was quite some time during the thing when i was pretty put out. ): cos of, well...)
and so because the event ended late, it made no sense to take a cab home all alone while the rest went back to hall.
therefore i camped in huifen's room overnight.
and self-delcared today a free day. SHHHH.

i've also applied for the exchange programme for next semester.
hopefully i'll get something. hah.

i just realised that most of the people i know (in hall) will be graduating in less than a year's time.
and that includes huifen. (and euni too.)
time really flies so quickly. cliche but true.
and in another year plus, it will be my turn donning the convocation gowns.
i really haven't thought of where i'd wanna go (to work). =/

but for now, i guess, its to enjoy the moment.
treasure what's left of school. again, cliche but true.

funny how some people dont understand the simple logic of karma.

为什么我难过只肯让你安慰 ? ):

this is random.
jude law is damn hot. -melts-

Random musings (or lack of).

haven't seen much worthy to blog about, thus the lack of updates.
as a matter of fact, i'd actually wanted to blog/rant about my experience working at canon.
but on hindsight, it's been pretty much some time.
still, for the benefit of readers (or lack thereof), i'll just include the gist.

when i think back about canon, all i really have to say are the people who make up cspl (canon singapore pte ltd).
so i shall take a character analysis (a la literature) approach.

s*lee - my mentor of sorts. because she was leaving, therefore the reason i was called in as a temp staff. she's really funky, fashionable and young. oh well, much of what i'd learnt was thanks to her. after she left, i was left holding the fort for her portfolio. and honestly, like her, i loved my job. really i did.

g*ng - undoubtedly one of the best friends/colleagues i've worked with. she tries alot to help me out when i was overwhelmed with all those hotel bookings. but now that b's taken over my work, i really feel for her when b is such a horrible worker and g sometimes has to clean up after b. ):

stella - my fellow temp colleague who came in on the same day as me. but tendered after a week cos she couldn't stand her. spunky and no-nonsense.

nelsie - another temp staff who had been there even before stella, fabian and myself. she always seemed quite and heck-care to us. but later on, she revealed more of her ahlian/tomboy self. hehe. oh and she's really pretty too. (:

fabian - the only thorn among us roses. resident temp "kengster". he also shyly denies it when we harp on the fact that he's her favourite boy. lol. super narcissistic/egotistical and likes to take breaks which he claims is his "patrol duty". the object of much teasing and amusement, nonetheless, he was really fun to have around.

r*ho - sweet and unassuming, she always has something nice to say about everyone. but seriously, we all think that she's overworked. she's saikang dept's resident ot-er. one of my best confidantes/colleagues after s* left. (:

wk*tan - she too started work the same day as stella and i. the only diff that she was the new admin exec. haha. sometimes gets harrassed non-stop by her for unimportant work too.

a*yeo - aka her. boy, where do i begin? bah. in all the short time i've been working at the saikang dept, i concluded that her specialisation was in shooting emails and arrowing people. and to match her specialisation, she's super fast in typing! -.- bahhh. well, i don't think i will go into details at how pissed/irritated i was with her. most times, she does not know what is going on or what we do. tends to chase us for stupid, tirvial stuff when we have more urgent things at hand. one of the worse of her trivials is asking us to print things for her. (i.e. a single document) doesn't it make more sense to open the file and click print herself than click forward, type "hi dawn, pls print. thanks." and then click send? snorts.

b*lam - another long story. seriously, she's the first i've met of her age group who's super hiao and hiong. and she thinks matter-of-factly that she still has what it takes. honestly, if she really does, how come she cant handle a simple thing such as sending an email? she was my under-study for a while before i left. cos she was the perm staff taking over my portfolio. for all the experience she was bragging about, i seriously wonder about her capability when she calls me practically everyday! -.- i personally loathe her style of working. there're only 2 words to describe her work attitude - it sucks. oh, and she's a bloody heck of a good boot/ass-licker. snorts.


there you go, the gist of my short stay at cspl. (:


and quite recently, i'd caught asian boys vol. 3 : happy endings with zhi, dee and sk.
a pretty provocative play, both literally and physically if i may say so.
a pity the 377A red tank tops were available for sale. else we'd have each gotten one for ourselves. ):
oh, there was a kiss scene which drew scattered gasps of horror/shock/outrage from the audience, esp this china woman seated in front of us. and we were like, wtf?
erm, you're watching a play which is dealing with homosexuality. what do you expect?
kindly get a grip.

transformers is easily one of the best blockbusters this year. (:
die hard 4 i liked too. never mind that small bit of maggie q. i like her nonetheless. (:
despite what critics alike and others said, harry potter and the ootf was not too bad really. i probably like the movie better than the book cos at least the ending's not so angsty and bleak?
marie antoinette (which i caught online), i'd expected it to be better, coming from sofia coppola. sadly, its was uber boring.


school's re-opening soon.
somehow, i can't wait. and on the other hand, i don't really want the holidays to end too. ):
talk about fickle-minded. snorts.
pretty excited cos i hope i get the jap and accounting module i opted for.
and this semester, i guess i really want myself to work hard and make sure i do well.
no more skipping lessons crap and bothering about them.

i'm dreading the end of the holidays too.
because that would mean i'm one step closer to the exams, one step closer to being an adult, one step closer to graduating from uni. ):
i know it sounds abit far-fetched. but really, i don't think the fact can be ignored for long. the start of this semester is euni's and huifen's final year! and so it really means: we're growing up.
sigh.


i know i've told myself time and again that i will not be bothered by the matter.
but you know, sometimes things just come back to haunt you right? even after they're long gone?
like now, i wonder again why i bother regarding them as friends.
you claim we're friends. but how many times have you ever tried to keep in contact?
you cannot say i didn't try. i did my part; i tried texting, i tried communicating. all i got was a dead tone, a no-reply.
am i to blame? i don't think so. funny how you might say you're busy with work. aren't/weren't we all? oh but you had time to meet up among yourselves. right, busy.
so don't come around blaming me that i am distancing myself, not taking any initiative or opening up and what-not. i consider my reaction a reflexive one. go look deep into your conscience who's really been the one distancing. you have no right to cry that things cannot go back to being the same or that you've lost a friend because she decided to abandon you. you did the abandoning, not me.
or if you say you did not abandon your friends, well you didn't exactly treat or treasure her as one. you treated her as second fiddle. so she did the 'abandoning' first. what right have you to put the blame on me?

Revelations

for reasons unknown even to myself, reading dionne's latest entry (i.e. 17 june) made me cry.

dionne:
my sister dearest, the happiness which has eluded you for so long, i pray everyday that you'll find it soon.
and not just find it you will, it'll be yours to keep.
i want you to know, that even if at times your faith and patience wears thin, you can rely on mine.
while i may not be the most inspirational of persons, i still believe in all of us.
i guess i knew it in my heart, that we'll be like sisters for long.
but i also feel it in my soul, that we can brave these issues together and emerge stronger.

zhi:
i may not know the full extent f your frustrations.
but what i know for sure, you are and always will be, that priceless gem of a friend one could ever ask for.

Faltering.

i know i wished you happiness.
i know i gave you my vote of assurance.
i know i told others and myself that i will be alright.

but in all honesty, i'm feeling terrible.

Her Heart On Her Sleeves

i found it quite ironic that you asked if i was ok.
cos i really wasn't.

yet i couldn't bring myself to let you know.
cos if i did, i could lose all.
you and the friendship.

maybe you weren't so oblivious after all.
you managed to guess it right.

what could i do?
i wanted to know why it would be complicated, you wouldn't say.
did it matter?
of course it did.
but in front of you, i couldn't admit it.

i guess i'm a coward.
i don't dare to take that leap.

so now i cry alone.
who's to blame anyway?
no one but me.

cos i choose to smile and hope the best for you.