after quite a few months, i find myself facing the same issue/trap once again.
perhaps, it's self-inflicted. perhaps not. but how am i supposed to react when i never really overcame it? i really thought i'd made my peace. really. but since i'm having such emotions stirring again, it just seems to be proving otherwise. sometimes, i don't really know if i want to let it go. logic and reason obviously tell me to. even a part of my heart says to forget it. that's because i think about 99% of me is sure that these emotions will never find their way to that receiving party. yet, i stubbornly seem to hold on to that little (1%) ray of hope. snorts. funny how the heart works.
sighs.
i must find a way to make my peace. so i must remind myself not to fall into the same trap (which i set for myself) a second time.
please do remind me okay?
----
on a happier note, me family went shopping for cny and got ourselves jeansssss. hoho. the sister and i have 2 pairs each.
me loves skinniesssss. :D
Monday, January 7, 2008
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Of Recurrences.
hello world. (:
apologies for the lack of updates. i've been gleefully slacking my holidays away ever since the examinations ended. enjoying the feeling of being liberated from the wretched grasps of economic papers. so time (in between) then and now has been spent celebrating my bestie's 21st (the last of us twelvies' coming-of-age, or so to speak), shopping, and of course, jetting off to the land of the rising sun.
seriously, japan rocked my socks. whooot. i seriously loved every single minute of being there. of course, i would have loved it even more had we the chance to visit the harajuku/shinjuku/shibuya shopping districts. nonetheless, the one week stay there had me wishing for more. whilst i'd normally feel homesick after a week in most trips i've been on, i really wished the stay in japan could be longer. we were originally slated to transit in bkk for 2 days. BUT. there were no flights back home. hence, no bkk shopping for me. bahh. yet another bkk shopping opportunity slips through. ):
basically, after the return from japan, nothing major has been happening in mysad little life. hence, here i am, typing this entry on an early christmas "morning". hah. the following paragraph may sound out of place/abstract. apologies in advance, but i still have to use this as an outlet.
again, this recurrence. i think its really funny. because i always seem to be the kind of person who doesn't learn from mistakes. particularly those which concern emotions. against my better judgement, i believe i've subconsciously let those feelings creep back. so now, i think i'm waging an internal emotional (mini)battle. i probably have to admit, i'm starting to dislike her (almost) with a vengeance. all that emo-sharing and the aggressiveness. and i hate that i have to learn about it. or maybe deep down, i'm disappointed in myself for being such an emotional coward.
on another note, i recently met up with ____. and i realised that day, how far we have strayed. and to think, he/she was someone i held dear. its scary how i don't seem to know him/her anymore.
apologies for the lack of updates. i've been gleefully slacking my holidays away ever since the examinations ended. enjoying the feeling of being liberated from the wretched grasps of economic papers. so time (in between) then and now has been spent celebrating my bestie's 21st (the last of us twelvies' coming-of-age, or so to speak), shopping, and of course, jetting off to the land of the rising sun.
seriously, japan rocked my socks. whooot. i seriously loved every single minute of being there. of course, i would have loved it even more had we the chance to visit the harajuku/shinjuku/shibuya shopping districts. nonetheless, the one week stay there had me wishing for more. whilst i'd normally feel homesick after a week in most trips i've been on, i really wished the stay in japan could be longer. we were originally slated to transit in bkk for 2 days. BUT. there were no flights back home. hence, no bkk shopping for me. bahh. yet another bkk shopping opportunity slips through. ):
basically, after the return from japan, nothing major has been happening in my
again, this recurrence. i think its really funny. because i always seem to be the kind of person who doesn't learn from mistakes. particularly those which concern emotions. against my better judgement, i believe i've subconsciously let those feelings creep back. so now, i think i'm waging an internal emotional (mini)battle. i probably have to admit, i'm starting to dislike her (almost) with a vengeance. all that emo-sharing and the aggressiveness. and i hate that i have to learn about it. or maybe deep down, i'm disappointed in myself for being such an emotional coward.
on another note, i recently met up with ____. and i realised that day, how far we have strayed. and to think, he/she was someone i held dear. its scary how i don't seem to know him/her anymore.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Of Birthdays and Memories.
as a kid, from primary to secondary school, then to jc, my birthday had always been a somewhat quiet affair. (well, not that i wanted the whole world to know.) what i mean is that, the 14th of november always fell on the holidays. if not, it was smack in the middle of exams. so it really was some sort of a wet blanket. i'm not sure if i've ever said it aloud/admitted it; subconsciously and inwardly, i'd come to feel that my birthday and i were perhaps insignificant, cos after all, it'd come as quickly as it went.
hence, when everyone around me starting throwing spectacular blasts for their 21sts, i didn't really bother/give much thought that my turn would soon come around. another reason was perhaps cos i was a tad too lazy to plan parties. the thought of impending exams and my million reports dampened my mood further. as far as i was concerned, my 21st was one day i hoped that won't come too soon, cos that would throw reality in my face. =/
but then, time never stops for anyone huh. today's the 14th of november. and i have to say, i'd never expected that my 21st could be anything less than memorable. (: perhaps it was the food, or that i woke up on the right side of the bed. but i still feel that my 21st birthday is made up of memories - of the people around me. (:
anti-climax but other than the people who made my memories, something else did - the big barbecue fire.
no really. the fire that burned down my plastic table. -.-
daddy&mommy: i can't thank God (or if i had lucky stars) enough for the closest people in my life. i'm not bragging or anything. but i sometimes wonder how many moms would happily/quietly go along with her daughter getting a tat? and a dad who actually sits through the whole tattooing process holding his daughter's hand to calm her nerves? i've had quite some comments on how hip my folks are. and i do think i have to admit i'm thankful for it. i highly doubt that they'll be reading this, nonetheless, all the love and gratitude i have, there's no way i can ever express it all to them.
my sister (the blood-related one:)): i admit she tends to be a pain. i might be wrong, but i haven't really heard of any siblings quarreling as much as we do, or that they quarrel and make up as often as we do. but hey, without all that quarrelling, i might end up being a latch-key kid. ): so even for all the quarrelling, i still appreciate it. (:
twelve: "what's with the balloons?" - it didn't actually come out the way i intended it to. i never meant that the balloons were uncalled for/redundant. i was more embarrassed/paiseh for the attention you girls showered. to me, your presence already made my day.
huifen, lx, sue-anne, qijun, angel, rachel: i'm eternally grateful you actually took time out to make your way down to ulu mat jambol for a while despite exams looming around the corner. and i'm truly sorry that i may not have been the best of hosts. ):
my cousins: thank you dears for the book. i'll be sure to read it from end to end. (:
altricia: my childhood playmate who coincidentally happens to be tao's schoolmate haha. (: i'm really glad you could make it. and for the opportunity to catch up for a bit. though our schedules are so different, i'll be sure to bug you soon. (:
those i've missed out was un-intentional. =/
i guess all i'm trying to say is that, i really never expected my 21st experience to be this wonderful. and credit goes to all those around me.
千言万语, 尽在不言中.
hence, when everyone around me starting throwing spectacular blasts for their 21sts, i didn't really bother/give much thought that my turn would soon come around. another reason was perhaps cos i was a tad too lazy to plan parties. the thought of impending exams and my million reports dampened my mood further. as far as i was concerned, my 21st was one day i hoped that won't come too soon, cos that would throw reality in my face. =/
but then, time never stops for anyone huh. today's the 14th of november. and i have to say, i'd never expected that my 21st could be anything less than memorable. (: perhaps it was the food, or that i woke up on the right side of the bed. but i still feel that my 21st birthday is made up of memories - of the people around me. (:
anti-climax but other than the people who made my memories, something else did - the big barbecue fire.
no really. the fire that burned down my plastic table. -.-
daddy&mommy: i can't thank God (or if i had lucky stars) enough for the closest people in my life. i'm not bragging or anything. but i sometimes wonder how many moms would happily/quietly go along with her daughter getting a tat? and a dad who actually sits through the whole tattooing process holding his daughter's hand to calm her nerves? i've had quite some comments on how hip my folks are. and i do think i have to admit i'm thankful for it. i highly doubt that they'll be reading this, nonetheless, all the love and gratitude i have, there's no way i can ever express it all to them.
my sister (the blood-related one:)): i admit she tends to be a pain. i might be wrong, but i haven't really heard of any siblings quarreling as much as we do, or that they quarrel and make up as often as we do. but hey, without all that quarrelling, i might end up being a latch-key kid. ): so even for all the quarrelling, i still appreciate it. (:
twelve: "what's with the balloons?" - it didn't actually come out the way i intended it to. i never meant that the balloons were uncalled for/redundant. i was more embarrassed/paiseh for the attention you girls showered. to me, your presence already made my day.
huifen, lx, sue-anne, qijun, angel, rachel: i'm eternally grateful you actually took time out to make your way down to ulu mat jambol for a while despite exams looming around the corner. and i'm truly sorry that i may not have been the best of hosts. ):
my cousins: thank you dears for the book. i'll be sure to read it from end to end. (:
altricia: my childhood playmate who coincidentally happens to be tao's schoolmate haha. (: i'm really glad you could make it. and for the opportunity to catch up for a bit. though our schedules are so different, i'll be sure to bug you soon. (:
those i've missed out was un-intentional. =/
i guess all i'm trying to say is that, i really never expected my 21st experience to be this wonderful. and credit goes to all those around me.
千言万语, 尽在不言中.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
KNNBCCB.
WARNING: The following post may contain a high content of expletives. For those with a weak heart, kindly click the little "X" on the top right hand corner of your browser. Otherwise, join me in my quest to curse the daylights out of these audacious people who I feel are not worthy to be called "foreign talent".
@Dawn:
+ Can u plz help us with the references format as I'm not sure about it.
I think that they have to put in alphabetical order. Tkx in advance
+ My part cannot cut shorter. There're still a lot of info I haven't put
in yet.
+ Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (wedo about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s). The policies only do not make clear about the transform. Can you please adjust to make it flow
with the whole paper.
+ After adjust your part, can you help us do the conclusion, introduction and abstract? Consider ur part is the shortest.
The above is extracted from the email sent to me just this evening. I have not changed a single word. Instead, I've just highlighted some parts.
The story goes like this: I had the bloody luck to be grouped with these 2 foreign girls. We had to do a bloody mini project on the rubber and palm oil industry. SO, during our meeting to discuss the outline, they happily snatched up the easiest and JUICIEST bits. I say "juiciest" because the parts they chose had readily available information. FUCK, DO YOU NOT AGREE THAT TYPING "RUBBER INDUSTRY" AND "PALM OIL INDUSTRY" IN GOOGLE WILL GIVE YOU LIKE 3829561074 SEARCH RESULTS?!
I, on the other hand had to manage with a weak fucking feeble smile and "agree" to do the case studies. If you don't already know, it's fucking difficult to find information on TRANSITION of industries in Southeast Asia because all that turns up on online (academic) journals is a hell lot of info for NIGERIA.
OKAY NVM. So that was your background info. As I earlier posted, pushing SHIT work and rubbing it in my face WHY I haven't finished my part was strike one. Pushing me impolitely to finish up my work via SMS IN CAPS AND FUCKING SPELLING MY NAME WRONGLY TWICE was strike two. (Tell me, how in the fucking world does "DAWN" SOUND LIKE "PAWN"!?!?!) THEN. They fucking had the cheek to TELL me to compile the bloody report because it would be easier for me to slot in my part and SINCE they had already sent me theirs - strike three. How fucking convenient.
I don't know baseball man, but now they fucking hit a home run already la. KNNBCCB.
NOW. Back to the extract. Its just 2 mere points I want to bring to attention.
#1 - Old Data
My part is meant to be a case study. Now lets see. Boys and girls, what is a case study about? Information specific to a country/etc right? Right! So, the case study I did was on Malaysia. The point I had to bring out was Malaysia and her TRANSITION from one industry to another. In this case, from the rubber to the palm oil industry. And now, lets think. WHEN did Malaysia shift industries? ANY IDIOT WOULD KNOW THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS NO? So would it make sense to NOT have information pertaining to those industries in 1960s/1970s??!
Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (we do about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s).
FUCK YOU LE K*EU O*NH.
#2 - The Shortest Part
The maximum page limit WITH appendices is fifteen bloody pages. one-five. FIFTEEN.
When I put in both of their parts, I had SEVENTEEN FUCKING PAGES. And I haven't even written mine. Common-sensibly, fiteen divided by 3 members, each one should limit themselves to about 5 pages. Unlike them, MY ENGLISH OWNS THEIRS. THEREFORE, I CONDENSED MY PART INTO FIVE PAGES. Having FIVE pages of info on Malaysia does NOT warrant the fact that MY part is the fucking shortest. So I finished my part, compiled and shot it back for THEM to follow MY instructions. (NOTE: When I blasted the email, we had ONLY 22 pages combined.) Guess how many pages we have now. After the bloodyFAT Le Ki*u Oa*h edited the draft. THIRTY-FUCKING-FOUR PAGES. 34. Some "power" editing huh.
Consider ur part is the shortest.
KNNBCCB. Who the fuck are you to say my part is the shortest. FUCK YOU LKO, F-U-C-K Y-O-U.
So then, since my part was the "shortest", I'm tasked to write the:-
1) Introduction
2) Abstract
3) Conclusion
First, who the fuck are you to command me what to do.
Second, who fucking writes an introduction AND an abstract.
Third, I fucking did a case study. NOT the generic overview of the TWO industries. And you fucking have the cheek to ask me to write the conclusion. That's like asking me to fucking shit your bowels out for you when you have the runs.
IN CONCLUSION, I shall NOT give a fucking shit about you and your groundless accusations and "commands". In the worst case scenario, I shall fucking drag you down with me if we're all given a bad grade. HA HA.
@Dawn:
+ Can u plz help us with the references format as I'm not sure about it.
I think that they have to put in alphabetical order. Tkx in advance
+ My part cannot cut shorter. There're still a lot of info I haven't put
in yet.
+ Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (wedo about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s). The policies only do not make clear about the transform. Can you please adjust to make it flow
with the whole paper.
+ After adjust your part, can you help us do the conclusion, introduction and abstract? Consider ur part is the shortest.
The above is extracted from the email sent to me just this evening. I have not changed a single word. Instead, I've just highlighted some parts.
The story goes like this: I had the bloody luck to be grouped with these 2 foreign girls. We had to do a bloody mini project on the rubber and palm oil industry. SO, during our meeting to discuss the outline, they happily snatched up the easiest and JUICIEST bits. I say "juiciest" because the parts they chose had readily available information. FUCK, DO YOU NOT AGREE THAT TYPING "RUBBER INDUSTRY" AND "PALM OIL INDUSTRY" IN GOOGLE WILL GIVE YOU LIKE 3829561074 SEARCH RESULTS?!
I, on the other hand had to manage with a weak fucking feeble smile and "agree" to do the case studies. If you don't already know, it's fucking difficult to find information on TRANSITION of industries in Southeast Asia because all that turns up on online (academic) journals is a hell lot of info for NIGERIA.
OKAY NVM. So that was your background info. As I earlier posted, pushing SHIT work and rubbing it in my face WHY I haven't finished my part was strike one. Pushing me impolitely to finish up my work via SMS IN CAPS AND FUCKING SPELLING MY NAME WRONGLY TWICE was strike two. (Tell me, how in the fucking world does "DAWN" SOUND LIKE "PAWN"!?!?!) THEN. They fucking had the cheek to TELL me to compile the bloody report because it would be easier for me to slot in my part and SINCE they had already sent me theirs - strike three. How fucking convenient.
I don't know baseball man, but now they fucking hit a home run already la. KNNBCCB.
NOW. Back to the extract. Its just 2 mere points I want to bring to attention.
#1 - Old Data
My part is meant to be a case study. Now lets see. Boys and girls, what is a case study about? Information specific to a country/etc right? Right! So, the case study I did was on Malaysia. The point I had to bring out was Malaysia and her TRANSITION from one industry to another. In this case, from the rubber to the palm oil industry. And now, lets think. WHEN did Malaysia shift industries? ANY IDIOT WOULD KNOW THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS NO? So would it make sense to NOT have information pertaining to those industries in 1960s/1970s??!
Ur part does not flow with the whole paper. The data are a bit old (we do about 2005, 2006 while you do about 1970s).
FUCK YOU LE K*EU O*NH.
#2 - The Shortest Part
The maximum page limit WITH appendices is fifteen bloody pages. one-five. FIFTEEN.
When I put in both of their parts, I had SEVENTEEN FUCKING PAGES. And I haven't even written mine. Common-sensibly, fiteen divided by 3 members, each one should limit themselves to about 5 pages. Unlike them, MY ENGLISH OWNS THEIRS. THEREFORE, I CONDENSED MY PART INTO FIVE PAGES. Having FIVE pages of info on Malaysia does NOT warrant the fact that MY part is the fucking shortest. So I finished my part, compiled and shot it back for THEM to follow MY instructions. (NOTE: When I blasted the email, we had ONLY 22 pages combined.) Guess how many pages we have now. After the bloodyFAT Le Ki*u Oa*h edited the draft. THIRTY-FUCKING-FOUR PAGES. 34. Some "power" editing huh.
Consider ur part is the shortest.
KNNBCCB. Who the fuck are you to say my part is the shortest. FUCK YOU LKO, F-U-C-K Y-O-U.
So then, since my part was the "shortest", I'm tasked to write the:-
1) Introduction
2) Abstract
3) Conclusion
First, who the fuck are you to command me what to do.
Second, who fucking writes an introduction AND an abstract.
Third, I fucking did a case study. NOT the generic overview of the TWO industries. And you fucking have the cheek to ask me to write the conclusion. That's like asking me to fucking shit your bowels out for you when you have the runs.
IN CONCLUSION, I shall NOT give a fucking shit about you and your groundless accusations and "commands". In the worst case scenario, I shall fucking drag you down with me if we're all given a bad grade. HA HA.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The Priss.
lmao this is interesting. and this is what happens when i'm supposedly doing research. LOL.
waiting for what? GO TRY! =D
The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)
Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.
Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.
These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.
You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.
waiting for what? GO TRY! =D
The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)
Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.
Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.
These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.
You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
ROAR.
i. bloody. HATE. vietnamese. right. now.
just those two in particular who are fucking getting on my fucking nerves.
pushing shit work to me AND rubbing it in my face asking why i haven't done my part - strike one.
pushing me IMPOLITELY to finish up my part asap (so they can relack one corner) via text message IN CAPS - strike two.
don't you fucking dare try strike three.
knnfuckers.
just those two in particular who are fucking getting on my fucking nerves.
pushing shit work to me AND rubbing it in my face asking why i haven't done my part - strike one.
pushing me IMPOLITELY to finish up my part asap (so they can relack one corner) via text message IN CAPS - strike two.
don't you fucking dare try strike three.
knnfuckers.
Friday, October 5, 2007
Wave After Wave ):
school started again this week. after the one-week "recess". snorts. but horrible me skipped class on monday. due to fairly justified reasons i might say. i was desperately trying to finish up my wretched he306 ASS-signment on agglomeration economies which was due wednesday,5pm. agglom-what?! never knew there were so many different kinds of "economies" huh. SNORT.
needless to say, i had absolutely no freaking clue/idea on how to go about writing that stupid analysis. mind you, i did quite a fair bit of scouting for info okay. (gimme some credit la huh.) turns out, all the prior stuff i managed to dig out came to nought. bloody hell. even up to the eleventh hour of doing the wretched report, i was still half searching for info. tuesday was also, unfortunately, "dedicated" to he306. and i ended up staying up all through the night trying to finish it and finally handed it in at 630am. what amazed me was i wasn't even nodding off throughout the entire time. i didn't even have redbull okay! i even woke up at 830 to go for class at 930. (but of course i was late for class la. haha.) couldn't believe myself. and and and! i did NOT sleep in lecture! (of course, jaed kept me awake with surfing.) zoomed to clarke quay for free waxing. =D
anyone want waxing tell me! lol. foc. but as with all things, it comes with a catch. ask me if you want to know. =D
anywayyy. flunked yesterday's accounting quiz. felt like btt all over again. was confident of my answers. then suddenly kena dropped a bloody bomb: you scored 8 out of 20 points. wtf. i am sad. ): ): ):
the following weeks are not looking any better. just when i'd thought i'd at least be able to take a small breather, he306 decided to drop another bomb - assignment 2.WAHLAOEH.KNN. it's not like i don't have other assignments to complete. i seriously feel like i'm suffocating here. ): so now i have like FOUR fucking assignments AGAIN. and it definitely does not help when 3 of them have the SAME bloody deadline. on top of that, i have to cope with another bloody accounting tutorial presentation, another indivdual he306 (again leh wtf!) tutorial presentation, AND a major group presentation+report that i have to do with 2 vietnamese girls who are fucking getting on my nerves chasing me to do my case study part and rubbing it in my face that they've done their parts and are waiting for me. KNN THEY FREAKING TOOK THE EASIEST PARTS FOR THEMSELVES AND LEFT ME WITH SHIT?! urghhh. foreign talent huh. snorts.
i am so not looking forward to my birthday because it means my deadline is here. bloody need more time. ): and i have yet to start exam revision. ARGHHHHH.
i need to breathe. ):
needless to say, i had absolutely no freaking clue/idea on how to go about writing that stupid analysis. mind you, i did quite a fair bit of scouting for info okay. (gimme some credit la huh.) turns out, all the prior stuff i managed to dig out came to nought. bloody hell. even up to the eleventh hour of doing the wretched report, i was still half searching for info. tuesday was also, unfortunately, "dedicated" to he306. and i ended up staying up all through the night trying to finish it and finally handed it in at 630am. what amazed me was i wasn't even nodding off throughout the entire time. i didn't even have redbull okay! i even woke up at 830 to go for class at 930. (but of course i was late for class la. haha.) couldn't believe myself. and and and! i did NOT sleep in lecture! (of course, jaed kept me awake with surfing.) zoomed to clarke quay for free waxing. =D
anyone want waxing tell me! lol. foc. but as with all things, it comes with a catch. ask me if you want to know. =D
anywayyy. flunked yesterday's accounting quiz. felt like btt all over again. was confident of my answers. then suddenly kena dropped a bloody bomb: you scored 8 out of 20 points. wtf. i am sad. ): ): ):
the following weeks are not looking any better. just when i'd thought i'd at least be able to take a small breather, he306 decided to drop another bomb - assignment 2.
i am so not looking forward to my birthday because it means my deadline is here. bloody need more time. ): and i have yet to start exam revision. ARGHHHHH.
i need to breathe. ):
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